As the end of 2017 approaches, I reflect on the big things that happened this year. Once in a while, when I get into a funk that I’m not progressing or moving forward in some area, I make myself just stop and think about what I have accomplished.
I finally opened the Focus Center on October 1. It had been a goal for several years. Although most of my friends told me very nicely “good luck” (a/k/a are you nuts?) because it was a dramatic change from my 20 year career as a bookkeeping software consultant, I knew I had to take the plunge. Knowing it takes some time, money and persistence to get a new business off the ground, I also knew I really, really wanted to make this change and start heading in a new direction in my professional life.
A month later, my father passed away. He was 82 and his health had been really deteriorating for a few years. It was quite a strain for my mother to take care of him daily – she was finding it physically impossible to handle him. He was in the hospital for about 4 days, hospice for 3 days and then went with a fight! My family was amazing and really pulled together. But I had to shut down my new business for 5 days to take care of family stuff. It was hard to get back in the groove and excitement of starting something new. I wasn’t even inspired to write blogs. So, I took some time off.
The reason for this subject “Time for me to fly” is from my realization that people do come and go in our life. Sometimes it’s because of death but sometimes it’s because we know we have to get free of them. REO Speedwagon’s song “Time For Me To Fly” is so interesting to listen to when you have actually gotten free from toxic people, people who don’t treat you well, are inconsiderate or risk your safety and/or reputation. It’s OK to realize that just because you are friends with someone for a period of time, they are not always going to be permanent. People change. You change and they change. Some people have agendas. You really never know someone because just when you think you do, one of you or both of you, change. Or maybe you didn’t really know them well in the first place. But if you pay attention to your emotions, when someone suddenly makes you feel unsafe, they are rude or you feel they are taking advantage of you, it’s time to take a step back and ask yourself if this person should continue to be in your life. You could be married to them; they could have your same last name; you could be business partners. We tend to stay with people even when they don’t give us what we need. We may think we have close connections that share our values but then they suddenly use poor judgment and treat us badly or even put us at risk. We may suddenly realize our business partner is no longer a good fit for us. It’s difficult to stick it out until the details are resolved, whatever they may be. But one thing I’ve learned is that if someone continues to treat you in a way you don’t want to be treated, they will probably continue. Since you cannot make someone treat you differently than they do, you must be the one to make the change. I heard Tony Robbins tell Oprah once on Super Soul Sunday, “we get what we tolerate”. I’ve followed Tony for over 3 decades and I’ve always listened to his advice. He knows that people will only change when they want to. Everybody has a bad day here and there but when bad behavior becomes normal for someone, you have to decide if you want to put up with it or not. I don’t tolerate people treating me badly anymore. Nobody. Not family, not friends, not clients, not roommates. I’ve had to break free of a handful of people in the last few years but have survived every relationship I felt I had to leave, later realizing it was part of the journey in another direction. Great, new relationships were always on the way as well since “room” was being made for them.
So, if you’re relating to this, remember that even this certified life coach, who believes the Universe is always at work for our greatest good, has days, weeks and months of dealing with all the life stuff everyone else does. We are only part of the equation and although I believe we attract or create everything in our lives, our frequency sometimes aligns with someone who starts out adding value but will end up not staying in our life because they just don’t belong there anymore. It’s OK. Be true to yourself and don’t tolerate being treated in a way that is not acceptable to you.
This will be my only blog in December due to issues with software and all of the stuff I just mentioned. I need to take a break and enjoy the time of year and all the great people and things in my life. I’ll be back on track in January! Happy Holidays!